We are deserving of... peace

This week I had the absolute pleasure to listen to Jesmyn Ward and Kiley Reid have a conversation about Jesmyn's newest book Let Us Descend. I had completely forgotten about the event because I wasn't supposed to be in town. I had accepted a speaking event on behalf of a nonprofit uplifting women and was supposed to be in our nation's capital. But a few days before I was supposed to start packing, I was overwhelmed by anxiety. You all may have noticed that things are a little contentious in the social media streets, but what concerned me is how our disagreements are spilling over into real life. The messages. The locations of events being changed. Outbursts of violence. Attacking one another verbally. Usually traveling for me is just part of the job. I have a whole system for keeping myself as safe as possible- it comes from traveling through America as a Black woman, you know. But what would I have to do to calm this level of anxiety- hire a babysitter, buy a last minute ticket for my husband and make sure he could travel with me? Find a friend in DC willing to pick me up, spend the day with me, attend the event and drop me back at my hotel? Could I retreat into myself, turn myself invisible and go virtually unnoticed as I walked through airports and city streets. The more I thought about strategies, the more tired and overwhelmed and anxious I felt. Once my husband confessed that he was nervous about it too I knew I couldn't manage both my anxieties and his too. I couldn’t call him and pretend to sound at peace. 

So I called the org and was honest. I didn’t tell them that I'm sick or that there was a home emergency. My mental health was the emergency. And they understood. Now, let me tell you that it is a rare thing to be scheduled to speak somewhere and the hosts say, "your mental health and physical safety is the most important thing." In a world in which Black women are often considered the mules for justice work- its not uncommon for people to be unforgiving when we turn out to be human. But I was given peace in the form of grace. 

And last night, 3 hours before the book event with Jesmyn Ward, my husband said to me, "hey, wasn’t there an event you wanted attend, but couldn’t because of DC?" My heart swelled. I looked up the details of the event, fed my family, changed clothes and hopped back in the car. Because I needed the peace of Jesmyn Ward and Kylie Reid. I needed to see their faces. I needed to hear their voices. I need to know how to say the character names as Jesmyn intended. I needed to hear about the spirits in the book and the spark that started it. I needed to hear about the courage and hope and intuition that undergirds their work. I needed to know that in a world that is often harsh, and is often harsh to Black women, that I can still spin beautiful sentences. And I needed to sit with this community of book lovers who also felt compelled to brave the cold, wet, dark weather to hear Jesmyn too. 

Today, I wish peace for you as you make decisions that prioritize your mental health. I wish peace for you as you let others down because it turns out you are human. I wish you peace as you encounter stories that move and people that inspire you. I wish you peace as you chase your dreams. 

What would you add? What peace do you need for yourself or our world? I would love to hear.

xoxo,

Austin