Full of... ambition

I am a girl who is ambitious. But I didnt always know that. It wasn’t until my husband told me it’s one of the things he loves most about me, that anyone had ever planted that word in my palm. I turned it over and examined it and was intrigued. Am I ambitious? Yeah, I guess I am.

I never thought that word applied to me because I never aspired to the C-suite. In fact I actively avoided it. I didnt want the corner office. I had no desire to work in corporate America. When I was in college, my mother made my brother promise that the two of them would take care of my rent if my non profit work proved that I would be poor forever. I have never been the poster child of an “ambitious woman“.

And yet, I am. I deeply believed as a kid that I could change the world. What is more ambitious than that?

I have always had dreams. Dreams of creating non-profits that dont yet exist. Dreams of turning over systems that arent working for the people. Dreams of eradicating racist structures. Dreams of making a difference.

But even in the non-profit world, I often wasn’t a good fit. There were a lot of reasons for that, but mostly it’s because Im a disrupter (shocking, right?!) Not only have I been terrible (or uninterested) at keeping other peoples systems running, Im constantly rewiring my own.

In the same way that I felt like I was holding the word ambition in my hand and turning it over, I feel the same about my own business, my own artistry, my own services. I want to understand why. I want to understand what it is I bring that’s unique. I want to be well. I want my life to model the same things I espouse as a “public intellectual”. I want my life and my business and my soul to align.

And after a decade of doing this work, I find myself falling in love with what Ive built. And as someone who grew up as a “modest church girl” often accused of being arrogant, that is both difficult and freeing to say.

I love helping people on their journey of pusuing racial justice. I love affirming Black women and other people who have been marginalized in white spaces. I love writing. I love books. I love visiting your communities and hearing about what you’re up to and how I can be helpful. I love being a part of The Movement, The Struggle. I love honoring my own humanity and yours too. Life has stripped me of a lot of the naivety of changing the world. But I remain committed to doing what I can, where I can.

And that means channeling my ambition into purposefully, intentional building my business- rather than “just seeing what happens next”. I want to write more books. I want to speak more places. I want to do more coaching. I want to consult on big projects. I want… more.

And this week I took one step toward owning my ambition by asking a very scary question. I hopped on the socials and asked for testimonials. Y’all, in 2020 alone I must have spoken at more than two dozen companies, including Comcast, Google, LinkedIn and more. You know how many testimonials I have? Two.

So I asked, and oh my goodness, did y’all come through! Turns out there was a far greater gift hiding in those testimonials. It was incredibly helpful to be able to see in your words what it is I offer when Im on stage, when Im sitting at your conference room table, and what you feel when you read my words. Marketing 101 asks the question: what is the magic your product/service provides. That is a hard question to answer when the service is myself. But you all just made that question a little easier to answer. And I am grateful.

Tell me, what are you learning to embrace about who you are? And what risks is that acknowledgment requiring of you?

PS: If you would like to write a testimonial too, just reply to this email or leave it in the comments [insert heart here]

Stay wild, holy and free,

Austin