Lauryn Hill Owes Me Nothing...

(except being on time)

Okay, I think at this point, it just has to be acknowledged that Lauryn is consistently late, late for her concerts. Not just regular late, but late, late. Part of me genuinely wants to give her grace even here - as I have a lot of artist friends who long to perform when it feels good and right inside. But.

When there has been an exchange of money for a ticket at an agreed upon time… even the most sensitive of artists must rearrange their internal struggle and believe that passion will come in the sacred exchange of audience and stage. When I was in college, waiting for Lauryn to come out, I honestly didnt care how long it took. I was with my girlfriends and I would simply skip class if it turned into a late night. But by the time I was an actual grown up with a job that would make me use a sick day to skip- I needed Lauryn to show up before 1:45am. (We left that concert at 2am after only two songs). That being said - as an artist whose fans have longed for her to create more albums - Lauryn owes me nothing. 

When Ms. Hill started touring again and soon became notorious for being late, there were a plethora of articles bemoaning not just her time management, but also whether or not seeing her was worth it at all, combing through her lyrics to determine if they stood the test of time or if they just sounded good, and tearing apart her second album. 

I hold none of these beefs. 

I was a little Black girl when Sister Act II came out. My dad took me to see it in the theater and I made him sit through the final credits until the very, very, very end of the movie because I didnt want it to be over. Lauryn was my first movie star crush. Like me she had to wear a school uniform, but she made hers look cool. She wore braids, but unlike mine, hers were long and swung around her face. She was vocal but tender. She had dreams. I had fallen in love. 

So when Miseducation came out, I was all in. But it was the lyrics that mattered to me as much as the sound. Everything Is Everything. To Zion. Nothing Even Matters. Ex-Factor.  Every song was poetry. But Doo-Wop (That Thing) was the driving force of my love. In what now maybe considered “shaming” by todays standards, was for me freedom. In this song Lauryn tackles not having to wear weaves and fake nails. She tells girls that we dont have to show off our bodies and then moves onto men who need to take care of they 3 and 4 kids. 

It was a read. But it was more than that. 

In an era when this little Black girl couldnt afford to get her hair done and didnt have cousins who could whip it into shape on the front stoop- Lauryn’s encouragement that I didnt need it, mattered. As a Black girl who couldnt afford to go get her nails done and instead spent 3-4 hours a week doing them myself (proudly!), her lyrics mattered. As a Black girl who wore a stiff, bunchy uniform everyday and had to raise my hands to make sure my tummy didn’t show when I was out of uniform- Lauryn’s reassurance mattered. You see, no one was shaming girls with weaves or fake nails or tube tops and daisy dukes- but those of us who couldn’t participate in those trends… we were the ones being made fun of. Then this quirky but cool young Black woman who can rap and sing burst on the stage and said, “you’re okay”. Lauryn owes me nothing. 

Then when I was in college, Lauryn came and gathered me up again with Unplugged. I confess, the first time I heard it, I was absolutely confused. Musically, the two albums couldn’t be more different. I was at a girlfriends birthday party, and we excitedly popped in the cd. An hour later, we looked up unsure if the song had changed. We took it out and put in Jill Scott (because we thought we were too grown). 

But when we got hold of the DVD and watched Lauryn perform- we were once again entranced. That album got us through falling in love and breaking up. It got us through loneliness and connected our friendships. It got us through hits to our self-esteem, our first experiences of racism in college, and a host of other young adult experiences that we had a hard time naming- but Lauryn did. She owes me nothing. 

More than anything, Lauryn has always been herself. She is a quirky Black girl… a deep, poetic Black girl… a clear eyed but moody and tender Black girl… a Black girl who thinks for herself. And this insecure Black girl truly needed that gift as a teenager and young adult. So Lauryn owes me nothing and I owe her everything. 

I made a terrible meal this week, yall. I was hitting my stride, acing new recipes one by one. But this week I tried to make three new things at once and it was disastrous. I got too big for my britches. Took me 1.5 hours and then the kiddo refused to eat. But you know you will be eating the leftovers? Me me me meeee meee!  

I picked up To Be Young Gifted and Black for the first time and I have been so moved right from the start. I am a huge fan of Lorraine. A Raisin in the Sun was the first professional play I ever saw. I was pretty small but I somehow understood the reverence of it all. When I sat down with my mother, there were two white women behind us who groaned, believing I would be a distraction through the whole thing. At intermission or the end (I don't remember which), they both tapped my mother on the shoulder and raved about how well behaved I was. But other than them, it was a delicious experience. And I didnt realize the forward to this book was written by Baldwin. It is sweet and knowing and loving.. and every page after feels sacred. 

It has been awfully warm in the midwest for February. This is typically the month that brings snow measured in feet. But not this year. I have already been outside with just a hoodie two or three times. Winter coats are such a bulky hassle; hoodies feel like freedom. (albeit: global warming, not so much like freedom)

Full of love for Lauryn,

Austin