For the overthinkers

I’m tired y’all.

Are you tired?

The news is constantly overwhelming, always changing and seemingly in competition, debatable, elusive. Politics is personal and things are getting VERY personal as we near November. Having deep, authentic conversations seems nearly impossible. And not *why won’t everyone agree with me* impossible, but a true inability to engage in what was actually said or written. Everyone wants to be right, and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to find people willing to say “this is what I’ve been thinking about, but hell if I know if this is true- what do you think? What do you see? What are you experiencing?”

If you’ve known me for even two seconds, you know that I don’t mean “there are two sides to every story” bullshit. I am attempting to make a case for vulnerability in our conversations amidst fear and trauma and uncertainty and insecurity.

So here is mine. I’m tired. I’m tired of lies. I’m tired of spin. I’m tired of racism and homophobia and ageism and inaccessibility. I’m tired of the ways we repeat the same old platitudes and let the hard conversations get bypassed for simplicity and convenience.

Im also tired because I live a largely isolated existence. And while I hope to change that soon, the reality of moving and having a toddler and a really odd schedule and being an adult means it will take time. I probably expect too much from the national conversation because I don’t have enough conversations over coffee.

Map I find myself thinking- a lot. Thinking about democracy and history, thinking about community and justice, thinking about pop culture and trends and work. Think about how to pay my bills and keep creating and all the things I want to achieve and how often I feel so behind.

Im thinking about the world my son is entering into. Right now he cares mostly about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the original because obvi) and fire trucks and crayons. But soon he will enter the world as I know it, full of expectations and lots of questions.

Im thinking about the world I want and how I’m loving out those values now… and ways that I fear I am failing.

It never turns off, y’all. Always thinking.

And so, I’m dedicating this post to the thinkers. To those who are sad or disappointed or scared or angry or all the above. I dedicate this to the ones who are tired- who have been fighting, been advocating, been giving, been hoping. I’m dedicating this to the people who are trying to balance wisdom and anxiety and have no idea if or when we’ve reached said balance. I’m dedicating this to the isolated, the one’s who recently moved or had all your friends move, the ones who want to be seen and known and are doing their best with an online community. I dedicate this to you:

May you know that that you are not alone in your thoughtfulness.

May you know that joy is more than possible, that joy is still present.

May you know that people are still falling in love, and sharing laughter around dinner tables, and meeting for protests and volunteering and making the world better.

May you know that you are fully human and it’s okay to sense the weight of that humanity when all you want is to be divine and untouchable.

May you know that your humanity is beautiful.

May you know that you are seen and loved and being held and that geography can’t take that away.

May you find space to breathe, to be free, to fly.

May you know in a very deep sense that you, my friend, are still here.

*typos exist to prove your love and grace unto me*

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