Best Decisions of 2023
An honest but non-exhaustive list
1. Music: I don’t usually pay much attention to my Spotify Wrapped list because it’s the same every year: 90s R&B, Gospel, and a smattering of Hip Hop and Musicals. But this year I needed something different, and I found it when I heard Joy Okalodun’s “somehow”. After listening to that song on repeat I decided to make a playlist of all Black women country vocalists. Best decision ever. I’m always here for a great R&B love song (or break up song) but finding the layered black girl storytelling in these songs has kept me so rooted this year.
2. Sex Therapy: A couple years ago I remembered a trauma I suffered as a kid that has been impacting my understanding of my own sexuality. And after following Dr UChenna on IG for awhile, I knew she was the one to ask for help. And my God, did she. She walked with me through remembering, naming and started me on the path to healing. It was hard work (and continues to be) but I feel so much more connected to myself, my body and my femininity.
3. No-Demo-Reno: My bathroom is pink. Very pink. Pink time floor. Pink tile tub. Pink laminate countertops. Pink. Pink. Pink. I can’t afford a full renovation but I gathered up my favorite power tools and set my mind to a no-demo-reno and I’m so proud of myself! I covered the counters in concrete, changed the faucets, recovered the tile, hung new shelves. It was like risky crafting, crafting with high stakes. I loved the physicality, the creativity and the results.
(not my actual bathroom but you get the idea!)
4. Allowed my company - Herself Media - to change. A year and a half ago I was feeling desperate to break out beyond the boundaries of antiracism educator. I was overwhelmed by 2020 and the needs of everyone, except me. I wanted to try my hand at creative pursuits that were rooted in racial justice but resulted in joy. So I started a company. And I had wild ideas about what we could change and where we could go and how much we could create and how fast. I scratched and clawed and hammered and dragged and used every ounce of strength I had to morph it into my own idea of success on a timeline I found acceptable. And this year I had to let go. I had to let go of impossible expectations. I had to let go of disappointments that didn’t come to fruition. I had to let go of what I thought she could be and allow her to just be. It was incredibly difficult, but I was so much healthier once I stopped trying to mold her and I’m excited to discover what it is she wants to be in the years to come.
5. Dove in full force to supporting my partners writing/producing/directing career. For years he has taken whatever job is necessary to support us. But this year he took a leap of faith and started writing and directing horror shorts. I imagined that I would cheer from the sidelines. But then he needed an art director and there I was mixing connections for blood, creating sets and weaving wigs for demons. I never imagined I’d have such fun creating a world I’m too scared to watch- lol. But it turns out that all the fun is on the other side of the movie.
What about YOU??? I need to know!!!
After turning 60 years old (WTH??!!) I decided to add to the degree I got back in the 80s with a Graduate Diploma in Theology - and it is AMAZING!!! Putting aside all the answers I've been fed for the past 60 years (seriously, WTH??!!!) I am opening myself up to new ideas and facts that are mind-blowing to say the least! I even love the assignments, though the deadlines are a bit short. I love reading your blogs and your encouragement to be more me, and this couldn't be more 'me'!
i loved reading this - thanks for sharing!! here's my list:
1. taking medical leave at work then eventually quitting that job - i was working full-time in a role that was actively harming me and for employers that weren't supportive. the leave brought me clarity about that, and helped me figure out the best way to finish the dissertation year of my PHD.
2. cosplaying - it hasn't been in the "traditional" sense lol but it's been dressing up or wearing costumes to movie showings or parties. it's been a great creative release, and a neat way to connect with others doing the same!
3. being open to love - obviously i couldn't control when it popped up, but i made some early decisions to let go of an unhealthy relationship and to not allow it to harden my heart. just one of the many things i felt like i had to give up this year, with no return or indicator of anything good coming my way. but this person showed up, and met my vulnerability with reciprocity. it's been an unexpected gift and renewal of hope and happiness for me in this season.